Two sentences that shut down authentic sharing

Just gonna toss this thought out there ….

Want to end an authentic conversation? Just tell someone that they’ve got this or that God’s got it!

When we tell someone who is really struggling with health issues, marriage problems, challenges with kids, loss of a loved one, super tough job issues….etc
And we say, “You’ve got this or God’s got this!” We are NOT leaving space for a conversation about the journey they are on, the fears they have, the pain they are experiencing or the insufferable heartache they are carrying.

Instead those phrases, while I’m sure not meant this way, imply one is saying why are you worrying? Why are you afraid? Why are you upset? Because you are strong or because God has this, therefore, you needn’t be anything but calm.

I realize people are trying to give optimistic statements, but when you are in the trenches, you don’t want pithy answers.

Instead, you want someone who will hold space for you and your pain. You want someone to listen and not fix things. You want someone to just sit with you while you talk and cry or while you say nothing at all and just don’t want to be alone.

But what they don’t want is to have their issues minimized and their sorrows insignificantly waived off.

Just something to think about.

It’s unfortunate how many times I’ve heard other people say how those statements make them feel and most of the time, they are too ragged to share the truth, so they just nod and say a dejected thanks.

Let’s keep the conversation’s going about what we mean when we say things vs how it lands on the one hurting.

We are meant to love people with words and actions, and I know people mean well – but I think it’s time we talk about how hard it is to receive well intentioned, but extremely painful comments, when you are already hanging onto life by a fraying thread.

We need to own the fact that sometimes our words bruise the hearts of those we wish to help. And we need to change the vernacular of a busy and sometimes overly positive, good vibes only, society.