Six Years. You’ve been gone for six years, and when tomorrow arrives, you will have been gone for longer than we we’re married…..just typing that makes my heart break open a little more and the tears come so that typing is almost impossible.
Was it really only six years? Because to me – it felt like a lifetime with you.
A lifetime of I love you’s.
A lifetime of mindless walks while holding hands.
A lifetime of lazy times watching tv with my head in your lap, as Lilly Bell jealousy wished it was her.
A lifetime of monthly anniversary flowers.
A lifetime of being loved so uniquely that my heart couldn’t contain all that love, and it just spilled into my eyes and my mouth as they twinkled and smiled with ease and abandon.
How did we go from this ⬇️
to this ⬇️
in only six years.
It’s not fair!
In-fact, if I may be totally honest – it MOTHER-FUCKING-SUCKS!!!!
You were supposed to be my happily ever after. My second chance at the life that was stripped away when Greg was yanked from us!!! You were not supposed to get any disease, let alone one that has no EFFING cure and with a life span of only two to five years!!!!!
IT.WAS.NOT.SUPPOSED.TO.BE.THIS.WAY
But it was….and it is.
I lost your physical presence at 11:40pm on Tuesday December 6, 2016.
After everyone had said their goodbyes to you (or what would then be ‘your body’) and left or gone to bed, I laid down next to you and held you.
I smelled your hair and laid my head on your lifeless chest, where I no longer could hear the beating of your heart.
I was decimated.
Once again, I was left alone, un-assembled and utterly devastated.
The moment you died, I lost a part of myself and gained the title of being twice widowed.
~~~~~~
Today I will visit your grave – and Greg’s. And I will stand and shake my head as I look at two headstone’s of the men I’ve loved and lost.
I will place a grave blanket at each of your spaces, and I will stand silently with a hand upon each cold piece of granite. I’m almost certain tears will slip down my face and dampen my neck.
I will stand with each of you and internally honor the life I was privileged to share with you both. I will place a kiss upon each of your headstones and once again tell you both that I love you and that I’ll see you at Christmastime.
I’ll walk to the car, get inside and sit down. I’ll take a deep breath, look back at your headstone’s one more time, and sigh. With my hands on the steering wheel and tears in my eye, I will pull away slowly.
These days of anguish and heaviness don’t occupy my life on a regular basis, but when they do – I feel almost slammed to the ground. And yet, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to have been your wife – even if for only six short years. They were amazing and I will cherish and remember them always.
Today – I mourn your death, but I also celebrate your life. Had you not lived so large, so well and so authentically – missing you wouldn’t be so hard.
And while I can’t recreate what we had, I can build on it and I can carry you with me everyday, and by doing that, I know you will live forever inside of me.
I love you Don, you will forever be MY SWEET and I will always be ‘Yours’ ❤️
She-Kept-Going 